Christmas Worries

I know you may think That Christmas is a long way off, and yes in a way it is, but its still something i have to think about.. Its coming up to a year since me and the kids dad decided to seperated but for 2 months we were in seperate rooms well me on the sofa for about six weeks until a spare bed arrived for him to sleep in, but we mainly stayed in the same house to get through Christmas cause the kids dad wanted everyone else (appart from kids as they were told and my parents) to feel everything was Normal... Well it was the hardest Christmas ever, the odd people who arrived Guessed things were wrong just by the fact his stuff were now in a bedroom that we never had before and the atmosphere was tense at times too, He was continually on his mobile texting god knows who, and I was cooking christmas dinner for my Parents who to be fair didn't really want to come over but they did for the sake of their Grand Children... Roll on 12 months and i fine myself worrying about what to do this Christmas.. I know its going to be very different But i need to keep strong for the kids.. the Plan is that we are going to my parents for Christmas day,, but as yet the kids dad my ex wont discuss Christmas,, mind you its a time he has never ever liked since we go together... The Oldest has already said that he wont go near his dad at Christmas as he his old enough to know how things will be or where they will go (to his dads Ex brother in laws) but he wants to stay with me, fair enough his 17, but the youngest is different he seems to want he dad to come here for Christmas, but I for one will not Play happy families with a Man who didn't want me in the end and pushed me out of the home he built for us and the kids.. I am not bitter but it was my home for 21 years.. I know had a brief relationship with a man who seemed very nice when i left but turned out not too be a good thing at all..... I have the added bonus of getting my kids presents which will not be much at all compared to what they were used to with their dad, only cause the dad gave me some money as i was not on Benefits like i am now,, yes i do work a bit, but with everything else its tight, yes the bills and shopping, fuel the normal stuff but also the oldest is having driving lessons at the moment, as well as Child Tax Credit are clawing money back too as they overpaid me when i was with the kids dad.. one the Plus side I dont have many people to buy for now as everyone who was assoiciated with me and ex are not talking to me.. either they dont know how to as there is no connection anymore,, how ever sad it is I am in a new life now and i need to live it for me and my kids, and I feel I am doing the best i can..